5 Causes of Long Term Energy Draining

Converting energy; How the body’s energy cycle changes frequencies; Five causes of long term energy draining; Pictures of Morning Glory

Dear Ed,

Granddad taught me that the basic vital energy in our bodies, that’s stored, that is, not being used in active processes, is sexual energy.

If someone is low on sexual energy, it means that the majority of their energy is not stored, it’s active and being used and not available for sexual processes – which include skin, bone, teeth, hair, hormonal glands and reproductive system processes and maintenance. Yes, all that comes under sexual energy processes. Continue reading

Anxiety Triggered Inflammation – 3 Decisive Ways to Break the Cycle

Dear Ed,

Recently, the majority of inflammatory conditions I’ve been noticing have been anxiety triggered.

People feel helpless, Ed, when told to “just calm down,” and “Stop being anxious.” Once you’re actually breaking out in inflammations and allergies, and putting on water weight (fluid retention), that’s already the body saying that anxiety that should be expressed is being suppressed.

Unfortunately, Ed, despite decades of an unofficial movement stressing that emotions should be released instead of held in, in everyday reality, people still are constrained and held back. Continue reading

Troublemaker Herbs to Change Life Mood

Dear Ed,

Of late I’ve come across more and more people struggling with letting go of what I call “life mood” to be able to move ahead.

An example of this is in how when we want to lose weight (for example) we know what we must do, but we don’t or give up at some point because of a lack of something. That something is the ability to change our life mood or consciousness.

A life mood is a consciousness or state of soul we are in long term. Sometimes weeks or months, sometimes years, sometimes lifetimes.

It’s become so much a part of us, that to change it we feel we have to lose ourselves or die.

Granddad drew a big circle on the ground with a stick. “This is you,” he said. Then he drew a small circle in the corner of the big one. “This is you now.” Then he marked a point inside the big circle but way outside the little one. This is what you want to be.

“Granddad…” I tried to shrug him off.

I just hated being told I wasn’t alright the way I was. I just rebelled. I simply hated being told I had to change.

Granddad usually never did that.

“Hey,” Granddad said, “Don’t shoot the messenger.”

The next few days it kind of cankered in me – what Granddad had conveyed.

It’s like this Ed – On one hand you feel you have to be faithful to your own soul to stay in a life mood. Like if you let go of your mood, you let go of the memories and all the things that happened to put you in that mood.

On the other hand, the whole point of memories is to help you heal so you can move forward. The reason you’re holding on to a life mood is so you don’t forget the life lessons to be learned from whatever put you in that mood.

I knew this guy who was such a horrible miser. The whole neighborhood would hear him and his wife’s arguments over buying things. For example, he didn’t want to buy a washing machine because all his bachelor days he’d hand-washed his clothes and he couldn’t see why he and his wife couldn’t continue hand-washing their clothes.

They were very well to do, but inside this guy’s head was a constant memory of poverty so strong that he always behaved like he was going to go bankrupt if he spent more than a very little on anything.

It’s sad but that cost him everything. Friendships, relationships and even his health. For all his miserliness he used to overeat all the time. He was just miserable all the time.

It’s an extreme case, Ed.

The last time I was out traveling to the post office. Yeah, since the lockdown started going to the post office has been like taking a day trip to another city and back. I wear my best clothes and take pictures on the way because who knows how many months it’ll be before we get to go out of our cell blocks again!

But the taxi driver was telling me about how he’d spent most of his savings on the down payment for the car and then the lockdown of 2020 started and there was no new money coming in, so he ended up spending all his savings just surviving.

He said something especially interesting. He said, “It happens in life that a time comes when whatever you hold on to, whether that’s money, or land, or anything, it goes. If it wasn’t the lockdown it would be something else.”

I find I don’t like fatalistic thinking. Like, “There’s nothing we can do about what happens to us.”

But the fact is, Ed, we have a life going on inside of us, that goes on its path irrespective of anything that happens on the outside.

Some people are morose and morbid at the best of times. Some are cheerful at the worst of times. And either way it works for them.

We’ve all got our own emotional groove and rhythm, haven’t we?

Why I’m writing this though is because it’s all alright until we have a life crisis and we need to expand beyond or change ourselves to heal, to reach our goals.

That’s when we need to change our life mood.

I used to be a happy go lucky, flippity “always look on the bright side of life” sort, until I became a mother. Suddenly I realized I had to look on the dark side of life too, or I wouldn’t be able to protect my child in this world. It was a significant and drastic change of my life mood. But I became whatever I had to to keep my child safe, well, cared for.

It’s an example of when life causes you to change your gait, your frequency.

Sometimes it’s an obvious change, such as becoming a mother or father that brings on the change of life mood, other times all we might have is this sense of inner struggle.

Why I’m saying all this Ed, is because the no. 1 reason why a life mood doesn’t change is because we don’t want it to. And realizing that we’ve reached a soul struggle stage and that it’s because we need to change our life mood, that makes doors and windows open in our consciousness.

If our soul wants to go on a path, we have to go, it’s our higher self leading us.

In my life, plants and nature have been my help and support as I changed. Angels, Ed, is who they are, come in little bottles.

As a teacher you know very well the quantum difference between classroom teaching and distance education.

You know how important it is, not just to get information, but catch the spark of passion for a subject, receive through soul transfer the experience of a subject, things far beyond words, things coming down a long line of human inheritance.

All the things we can think and say they’re all one level. But herbs and flowers, they are real teachers. When we come in physical contact with them, we are coming in touch with the spark of life, of consciousness and that’s like someone holding our hand and teaching us to skate, rather than us reading the instructions off a mobile screen.

Herbs to change Life Mood

I’m going to leave the usual nervines out of this list – Spikenard, Vervain, St.John’s Wort, Scullcap, Valerian, Mugwort, Yarrow. These are supporters of the nervous system no matter what frequency you’re in.

I’m going to list only the real troublemakers here. The ones who are

so emphatic in their own frequency that they make us get emphatic about our frequency Continue reading

Holistic Lucid Dreaming; Datura & Brugmansia; Dissolving Conscious Brain resistance to the Subconscious

How to start lucid dreaming spontaneously without the energy drain and hormonal imbalance; Dissolving the conscious brain’s resistance to the subconscious brain; How upward facing Datura and downward facing Brugmansia help resolve identity crises to remove energy blocks.

Ed, lucid dreaming, or being aware in one’s sleep, with that, “I am dreaming this,” awareness, is something people seek out when they feel they’re unable to come to grips with something in their waking state, when they sense that there’s something happening in their dream state that they’d like to become mentally aware of. For example, a whole lot of people feel attacked or drained in the dream state and want to learn lucid dreaming to defend themselves.

And then there are many who sense the power of working with the subconscious brain and want to consciously use it.

I, who have a very active brain in my waking moments nearly always was thankful for a nice deep long thoughtless sleep, a break from the constant mental activity.

As a teenager and later I kept a dream diary after reading a book about dream interpretation. But it didn’t make the big impact in my life I thought it would and it did take up a lot of time every morning as soon as I woke up, to record the whole dream, so I eventually stopped.

However, the fact is, you cannot go very long experimenting with herbs without falling into lucid dreaming at some point or the other. And so it happened to me without me actually seeking it out consciously.

A person on an internet group asked about this yesterday and it was interesting – the responses. One guy said that putting Tiger Balm on his forehead aided lucid dreaming. I haven’t tried it so I don’t know about that. I do understand that stimulating the cells of an area, as Tiger Balm does could, over the forehead cause the brain to be active even as the body sleeps.

That thing there – keeping the brain active even as the body sleeps – so it registers in the conscious mind is one way to have lucid dreams.

On the other hand, having tried several herbs to do that, I can say with surety that it results in brain fatigue and fog in a few days. It also can mess with the body’s hormonal levels.

The sleeping brain does a whole lot of hormonal balance and glandular housekeeping and clean up work in the body. I treated several cases of swollen and enlarged pineal glands a few years ago caused by not allowing the conscious brain to rest enough. As I myself had an enlarged pineal gland in the late 2000s I know intimately the trouble it could cause.

There was this man, George, who’d been told he’d need surgery because his pineal gland was so enlarged. He contacted me in a panic because the last thing he wanted was brain surgery! He was only twenty two! Six months of herbs to support deep sleep (Spikenard, Snakeroot – Rauvolfia Serpentina for example) and focusing on getting deep sleep (turn the lights off or down at 6 pm, use a dimmer software on the computer) fixed the problem.

What was most interesting though, was how, after those six months, George emailed me from Chile! (He was from Michigan originally.) He told me that he had found a clarity about his path in life that he’d never experienced before – not even when lucid dreaming – through the months of deep sleep, and that he was now SPONTANEOUSLY having lucid dreams.

Unlike before, when he’d had a lot of crazy dreams he couldn’t understand, and dream trauma, he now was lucid for particular dreams only and able to follow up on them in waking reality. Needless to say his hormones were balanced like never before and his overall health had progressed from his being barely functional to being able to do mountain climbing.

That was what I’d experienced as well, and I believe now that the key to holistic lucid dreaming, is in first treating sleep trauma. This is done by:
1) Supporting the conscious brain in resting;
2) Repairing brain damage caused by repeat sleep trauma over the years and
3) Dissolving resistance to the subconscious brain help a huge deal

While I’ve mentioned the herbs for the these in this article: Traumatized Dream States and Sleep Trauma & Recovery with Herbs, I believe that it’s the third point –

dissolving resistance of the conscious brain to the subconscious brain – that’s what begins to make a person able to spontaneously have lucid dreams that are of true spiritual significance, which can truly heal the body and change our lives Continue reading

Since when has your life been sc*ewed? Emotional Reaction Vs. Emotional State

The difference between reactive emotions and base emotional state with its powers. Why the body only responds to medicine for some time before relapsing. Conversation with Granddad about how to become aware of emotional state and find release.

Ed, very often in the use of herbs for emotional and nervous conditions, the results are skewed or worse, because of not understanding the difference between an emotional reaction and an emotional state.

An emotional reaction is just that – a reaction. We can’t treat a reaction with anything but relief. That relief is as short-lived as the reaction. If it keeps happening, we have to stop whatever’s bringing up that reaction in us. We can’t stop having the reaction by taking herbs. It’s the just the truth.

For example, most dogs will always bark at intruders. It’s their instinct to be alerted if someone not usually around comes around. It’s their reaction. Herbs are not going to make them ever stop barking or not experience that emotional reaction to the chance of an intruder entering their house.

An emotional state on the other hand, is a state of being, a consciousness. A person can be sad in their emotional state but go about smiling and clapping and dancing. A person can be peaceful in their emotional state, but go about having fights with people, being angry about things, and not being very pleasant to others.

You see how an emotional state is a whole different thing from emotional reactions?

Our emotional state or consciousness, is so powerful, that it in fact runs our lives, choices, viewpoints, ability to translate dreams into reality. It is where our energy is – where it’s either flowing or restricted.

It is what can be treated by taking herbs regularly, and it is what has to be treated if we want true relief from long term chronic problems.

An example of this is in the ever common problems of skin conditions like spreading warts, chronic allergies. Most people who have manifestations of inner problems on their skin, try all kinds of things, find some things work too… but only for a while.

This is because the emotional state that is causing the manifestation, adapts to the new conditions and then continues to manifest itself despite the presence of the new medicine.

This is why bodies resist medicine or become unaffected by it.

The all powerful emotional state, HAS to be given its voice for holistic and lasting healing.

Most people,and I’ve experienced this myself SO MUCH, simply cannot get in touch with their real emotional STATE, because we are so hoodwinked and distracted by our REACTIONS on an everyday basis.

It reminds me of the song from the musical movie “Chicago,” that goes, “Razzle dazzle them… how can they see with sequins in their eyes?”

It’s so easy to ignore our emotional state and focus on emotional reactions. We then give up on herbs because they only work for some time before we’re back to the usual state.

There are an infinite number of ways to come in touch with our emotional state. But here’s a little something my Granddad taught me, to come in touch with it.

Me – Granddad… how am I to know in what state I’m in?
Granddad – First understand that emotional states don’t change often. Only when your life has TRULY changed has your emotional state changed.
Me – Ok…. so?
Granddad – So since when has your life been (can’t remember his word here – something like “Screwed”)?
Me – Since – you know…
Granddad – That was a long time ago.
Me – Yeah.
Granddad – Well what emotional state were you in then?
Me – Devastated.
Granddad – Well. There you have it.
Me – My emotional state is Devastated?
Granddad – You wanted to know.
Me – Alright. I get it. A person can be devastated but still continue a “life”.
Granddad – It’s not a life if your heart’s stuck.
Me – Heart stuck?
Granddad – If your emotional state is stuck, your heart is stuck. It’s not doing all the things a heart does – produce the hormones that make life possible.
Me – What you mean? Like physical hormones for…
Granddad – Yes… of course you’re sexually not quite free unless your heart’s making the right hormones. And of course the body isn’t quite healthy or strong if your heart’s not making the right hormones. And that’s just the heart.
Me – Granddad you’re shocking.
Granddad – I know you cannot go on the path right now Cara, but one day you will and then you must remember that – An emotional state does not respond to shock treatment, or mind control. It only responds to ONE thing. Justice.
Me – Justice! What about herbs?! Are you telling me I can’t treat an emotional state with herbs? That herbal energy fields cannot help us find our own frequency of well being?
Granddad – Calm down! You watch too many movies.
Me – No I don’t! What’re you saying!
Granddad – Calm down now! Herbs can SUGGEST a better frequency for us to live, herbs can AID a weak body and soul in finding the strength to face the truth, and herbs can enable a person to reach the frequency where they can finally become aware of what their emotional state is beneath all the fireworks on the surface.
But only a sense of JUSTICE can RELEASE a person from an emotional state.

Me – Ok Granddad – what if someone had a tragedy happen to them years and years ago and everyone involved died and no one could be sued for it anymore? What justice could the victim hope for?

Granddad – My love, you think Justice is an event, a thing that happens, or is done. It is not, Cara. Justice is the opening of the spirit eyes to the truth.

Me – Whaaa.. “spirit eyes”!

Granddad – Yes – there’s mental awareness, and then there’s spirit eyes. You could look out the window and see the plants there and the garden gate and the street beyond. It’s mental awareness. Or you could look out with spirit eyes. With spirit eyes you register that it’s afternoon, that you’re in this place, in this situation, for these reasons…. You feel the plants out there, and the gate has significance because of the possibilities it represents.

Me – So you’re saying that with spirit eyes, my situation looks different than with mental awareness? Like with mental awareness we’re facing a crime where there’s no chance of prosecuting and punishing the criminals, but with spirit eyes it would present a different picture?

Granddad – “Spirit eyes” is about FEELING. See Cara, don’t go down the rabbit hole my girl. You’ll go down if you focus too much on physical realities. How you FELT is the main thing, not what happened.

Me – What??

Granddad – Yes I know you’re all keyed up about what exactly happened and whodunnit. That’s a wrong idea of what Justice is. A very limited idea. Justice is not so much about punishing the criminals as it is about bringing the event to LIGHT.

Do you know what it is to bring something to LIGHT, Cara?

Me – Granddad I’m tired.

Granddad – Right on time too.

Me – No, this is all really too much for me right now.

Granddad – Remember this my love – Justice is bringing something to light.


Ed, it is such a thing that it is different for each person. But what I get the most from that conversation now is that:

Focusing on how we felt rather than actual events is important.

We’re taught by society that justice is given on the basis of facts. In fact that is one aspect of justice and perhaps not the one that gives us emotional release to go ahead and have a robust energy and vitality flow.

It’s as Granddad says, all about “bringing it to light.”

I think that means different things for different people. But you got to do what you got to do, to feel light shining on the hurt places inside you. That’s when you begin to change your emotional state.

I know a little of that, Ed, as all the milestones on my own journey to healing have been those moments when light shined in on previously suppressed or hidden hurt places.

I practice herbal medicine because herbs have helped me to keep going and helped me to face my pain and helped me find inspiration when I was blocked.

What’s lovely is that the same herbs that bring calm in the moment, when taken in small doses over a long period support actual rehabilitation of emotional state.

I’ve described some of these power herbs in detail:

Vibrational War & Arnica for Energy Body Pain
Herbs to Release Pent-up Rage
Herbs to Strengthen the Heart, Build Emotional Resilience
Herbal Super Nervine Mix for Emergencies & Trauma Support
Release Pain caused by Buried or Suppressed Memory – Herbs & an Exercise
Our Body’s Thermometer & Strychnos for the Stricken – Ignatia
Herbs to relax Heart Muscle Tension and release PTSD patterns
Herbs for Fear Induced Cramps & Spasms – Asthma, Bronchitis, Abdominal Cramps

and my own experience is described in:

How to Heal a Broken Heart Continue reading

Herbs to Undo & Recover from Fearfulness, Organ specific Sound Vibrations, Fear vs. Pleasure


The energetic pattern of Fear in the body; Sound vibrations to release particular organ tension and pain; Herbs to undo fear pause in the body; Undoing the Habit of Fear with Pleasure

Ed, I went deep into Taoist Yoga at one time, and it really helped me through some hard times. I don’t do it much anymore because you have to move on from method into freedom or you get stuck. You train your body to manage energy a certain way and this is good for temporary healing but in the long term the body has to be manifested second by second by the heart, and not according to a mental pattern however helpful it was at one time.

This is true of any spiritual or energy practice. You must never get trapped in the method. The method is an aid to build awareness, not a comfy cage to sit in forever.

One thing I learned from the days I did Tao Yoga, that stayed with me over the years was that fear affects the internal organs causing them to behave just as our bodies in general when we are in fear.

“Fear” is more than just “afraid”. Granddad once said to me, “You’re afraid when you know what you’re afraid of. You fear when you don’t know what you fear.

Fear therefore is a spiritual reaction to something our minds can’t fully grasp or comprehend or describe. Basically it is a reaction to the unknown.

Now the body for all its intelligence depends on some kind of routine, some sort of expectation and accordingly manages things.

But fear throws this system of expectation into freeze, because how can we prepare for what we do not know is coming?

I find that in situations where someone who is not generally fearful, suddenly finds themselves facing cold creeping fear, the situation resolves itself because soon enough that hidden thing comes out into the open and the person deals with it.

But it’s the condition where a person perhaps due to repeat trauma faces fear again and again, so much so it becomes a part of life and the organs are often, if not most of the time, in a sort of partial paralysis or magnetized trembling, that gets my attention.

I have suffered this condition myself in the long term and I know how it feels and how debilitating it can be. Fearfulness is a condition that demands serious rehabilitation, just like someone who has been through a very serious accident and had their limbs and body broken needs rehabilitation to get back to normal life.

The attitude of sweeping away emotional conditions like fearfulness under the carpet is what results in various physical problems that an be very difficult to deal with. That’s why we must take fear very seriously every time we find it in ourselves and our loved ones. Fearfulness should NOT be accepted as a part of life, or our organs will begin to under-perform.

Our bodies understand fear as only one thing – PAUSE.
The energy pattern of fear is simply – PAUSE.

Now there are so many ways to deal with fearfulness, but I’ve got my time-tested top three ways.

The first is for those who are in a situation where they’re often not aware that they are in fear.

I was in this situation before – the time I was learning Tao Yoga. I didn’t have the ability in those days, being so overwhelmed by so much happening, so much confusion, to sit back and say, “OK, I’m in fear right now.

For those in such a situation, the body calls sub-conscious attention to the fear with pain signalling. Wherever in the body an organ has paused in such a way as to cause a serious disruption in normal routine, the nerves there send the pain signals to the brain.

This is our natural messaging system to let us know that everything’s not as it seems on the surface – our spirit has sensed something and we are in fear.

Depending on where the fear is, there’s an old Tao Yoga method that works by vibration to release tension in the internal organs. These are the noises you make depending on where the pain is.

You breathe in deeply, feel the pain and then breathe out you either say, or whisper or just feel the air go out with these sounds.

Heart – Haawwwwwwwww
Kidneys – Chhhoooooooo
Liver – Sshhhhhhhhhh
Lungs – Sssssssssssss
Spleen – Whoooooooooo

I added the following out of long personal experience.

Brain or Head – Eeeeeeeeee
Deep Abdomen – Waaahhhhhh
Ovaries – Eyyyyyyyy
Testicles – Rrrrrrrrrr
Uterus -Lllllllllll
Yoni – Mmmmmm
Penis – Kaaaaaahhhhhh
Rectum/ Tailbone/ Anus – Foooooooo

And here is a picture for sharing or saving or printing:

Ed, I have tried the above (other than the ones only men can try) and they work. They really work in the worst of situations.

The next thing is of course;

Herbs to deal with Fear in the Moment, End the Fear Pause

Nervines like Mugwort, Scullcapare powerful. However most nervine herbs tend to be on the sedative side when taken in a dose strong enough to have immediate effect. And herbal tinctures come in alcohol so if you have too much – you can imagine how that goes.

I kind of almost knocked myself out one time I was supposed to be alert on a very hard day of my life. I was in a very tense meeting and everyone was really tense and there I was almost nodding off because I’d emptied all my emergency nervine herbs into my water bottle and was sipping it every ten minutes. Every time I opened the bottle cover, the smell of the alcohol came at me and I was now tense someone else was going to smell that and think I came for the meeting drunk!

However Fear, I have found usually “attacks” simply by causing a general pause of the energy working of the body, and therefore it can be addressed just as effectively using energies that help the body break out of the freeze.

There are three herbs I find do that wonderfully – and all of them are to be diluted – one drop of the tincture to about 100 ml or 4 ounces of water and that taken 5-10 drops as required.

These are Arnica , Snakeroot or Rauvolfia Serpentina and believe it or not – Turpentine or Pure Spirit of Pine Gum or Resin.

Arnica is the energy pattern of facing the pain and keeping calm. I wrote about Arnica just a few days ago: Vibrational War & Arnica for Energy Body Pain .

Snakeroot or Rauvolfia Serpentina is a vibration that calms parts of the nervous system in a magnetic freeze from trauma. It particularly helps those nerves that attach to muscle and skin and bone. So the whole body feels repaired on a deep level as these nerve endings relax. Remember to keep the dose diluted – Snakeroot is a powerful sedative.

Turpentine or Pure Turpentine Gum Spirits or Distilled Pine Resin is the liquid got by heating up resin from Pine trees. It’s used in ship building to insulate the wood from water and moisture damage.

It’s a disinfectant if ever there was. Medicinally, I’m sure it’s classified as something terrible by the powers that be. But it used to be a tradition in the USA, and several Caribbean islands to have turpentine with sugar once a twice a year to attract and kill bad yeasts like candida.

I tried it turpentine or pure spirits of gum out of sheer desperation when I had a sinus inflammation that had gone on for many months, that wouldn’t resolve using the usual herbs. I took for about four days, every night, a few drops of it in a t-spoonful of olive oil and later flaxseed or linseed oil. And whoa – it was a bit of a gentle laxative but it pretty much cleared my system of all the fungus I’d inhaled in a place with way too much moisture in the walls.

Let him who has an ear hear – turpentine fumigates the body from internal fungus and yeasts whose populations have boomeranged because of lack of oxygen.

I made a dilution of it in water and was amazed to see how it carried the consciousness of the Pine tree resin. Resin is the substance the pine tree releases to heal its wounds. It makes awesome natural chewing gum to tone facial muscles and bone and keep the teeth healthy by exercising them.

But more than that it carries the energy pattern of fearlessness in facing a wound. It’s like, “Yeah ok there’s some work to be done here. What’s new about that?”

A lot of us simply don’t realize we’ve been fighters and winners in the long term. We have this idea of ourselves in our minds that we’re poor helpless little babes in the wood and get terrified by every little thing that seems to thereaten us; when in reality we’re tough, smart, alert, intuitive and wise veterans. Pine resin has that energy signature. “Whatever’s coming, we’ll deal with it. We’ve dealt with s*** before. We’ll do it again.”

These three separate or together have one simple effect, they help the body’s energy simply move again. That’s all.

Breaking out of the Habit of Fearfulness with Pleasure Continue reading

The Consciousness of the Failed and the Damned

How the consciousness of feeling failed and damned falls heavy on us when we go through pain – no matter how that’s caused, holding us down; My personal experience as a survivor of abuse and feelings of loss of a child,; Consciousness mapping to Occupy the Wound and reject mass consciousness suggestion.

Dear Ed,

I recently came across a historical case of a woman who lost her baby of three months, suddenly one day. The cause of death was written as “cholera” but as we now know that cholera does not kill babies in a matter of a few hours (while the mother is out) the whole case is suspicious. You know Ed, that I have a special gift of the Holy Spirit – the Gift of Suspicion.

Anyway forget that, what happened was that the mother never got over that. She did go on to have other children but a pattern developed and her life was marred by bouts of unexplained fevers, weakness to the point of being bed-ridden. The medication taken in the 1800s for such malaise was basically stimulant opiate drugs and those took their toll. She died at the age of 54 in a drug induced coma. They’d have called it an overdose these days, but then they don’t call it an overdose if you only took it on a doctor’s prescription.

(Just remember for all their talk, doctors don’t pay your funeral costs.)

Anyway Ed, you’ll forgive me for being bitter about it. It’s no small crime that was done, even though it was and is common enough.

After she died, her husband wrote in his journal, on the birthday of the little girl they had lost, that he knew that his wife had never recovered from the shock and loss of the little girl and that if that had not happened, his wife would’ve been still alive.

I knew what he had written was absolutely true. It’s a knowing you have in your heart when you love someone.

This affected me deeply because of events in my own life.

When I was eight, I was brutalized in a group ritual for trauma hormones extraction, organized by the Catholic Church my adoptive family belonged to (attended by other religions as well by the way). I only ever survived because of the sudden arrival of my Granddad John Waltham a few days later (a stranger to that family). They told him I’d fallen from the roof of the house – because only then could every joint and bone of a child’s body be dislocated and battered the way mine were.

I recovered as children do, and pushed the whole thing out of my mind for then… as children do. Later on however I began to face the truth and heal.

Many, many years later when I was pregnant with Gabriel, I felt the baby was a girl. I could feel her all the time. I thought I was having twins because I could clearly feel two bodies.

The day Gabriel was born, four hours before he was born, I felt the spirit of the baby I knew as the girl come out of me as if she had been born. She was no longer inside me. I was too busy screaming with every contraction to react to it then. Then Gabriel was born – a boy. I was as relieved and happy then as any new mom.

But a few hours later a horrific gnawing started in me – I wanted my girl baby. I cried every time I fed Gabriel, wanting to feed my other baby too. I cried when I changed him and cried when I swaddle wrapped him, and made his bed.

He was a rather loud demanding baby, but I wanted my other baby too. I wasn’t any less joyful about him, or any less longing for the girl. All at the same time.

It took me years Ed, and I don’t know if I’ve ever gotten over what happened.

The strange thing was… there wasn’t even a baby’s body. She’d just been a spirit being passing through my life.

Some people would call that some sort of imaginary being. The medical system is full of all kinds of “psychoses” of pregnant women.

Whatever it is, the fact is, to some extent I understand how it feels to have lost a child.

So when I read about the lady from the 1800s who never recovered from the loss of her child, I understood. The sorrow took one form after another and I understood that.

With these thoughts in my mind, I was dozing a bit yesterday in the afternoon, when I began to do this exercise Granddad taught me.

Consciousness mapping

If you have a condition – say arthritis – you map its symptoms as “pain in the joints” and then you become aware of the center of the pain physically. You “occupy the wound“. And then you let your awareness lead on the path of consciousness from there to the start of the problem.

It’s something like opening a history book, putting your finger on an incident. Say, “Battle of Gettysburg,” and then looking up Battle of Gettysburg in another book, putting your finger on one particular event in the battle, and then looking up that particular event, zoning in on one particular person, then looking up that person and honing in one incident in his life… and so on.

It’s the consciousness path. You follow your instinct on it.

As I did, I realized that when a woman even FEELS she’s lost a baby there’s a consciousness of being failed that sets in. A very recognizable pattern because it’s all over the place.

As I went further though I realized to my surprise that this consciousness of being failed is actually the very same as the consciousness of being damned – which is a pattern I grappled with after that ritual when I was 8 – A consciousness of, “Nothing good can ever happen to me now”, “I’m destroyed, no one will ever love me.”

I realized to my surprise that the consciousness of the failed and the damned is the same thing.

The other day I was thinking Ed… about what hurts a person. And I thought, “The intellectualization of trauma.”

So what I’m saying next shouldn’t be taken as intellectual something, rather it’s something very real to the heart and its body, born out of first hand experience.

See Ed, if you tell someone who’s survived abuse or lost a baby (mothers AND fathers) that they should not feel doomed, or failed, or damned, or guilty, they’ll say yes, they know that. But still feel that way.

To be honest Ed, I never understood it till yesterday.

I remembered this video I watched on the internet of a man abusing a woman in a bondage “fantasy” movie. It wasn’t about sex though it was supposed to be. It was really about energy or spiritual submission.

Who knows how much of it was real or fake, but I was paying intense attention because I know that in moments of pain things reveal themselves that are otherwise hidden. I couldn’t watch much more but I remembered it for later.

Yesterday it came back to me. I remembered how the victim was crying in pain. I can’t say I could imagine the circumstances that led to her being in that situation, and why she wasn’t getting out of it. That’s the intellectualization of trauma.. see?

The thing was Ed, she was hitting a consciousness wall. She was crying because there was a point in consciousness that was hemming her in there taking that pain when she wasn’t even tied down.

She was there because the pain was holding her hostage. She hated it, but she believed she needed it.

And Ed, I looked for where that consciousness was that was holding her down like that, and I looked to see if it was the abuser’s mental projection or psychic suggestion to her.

But in moments of true sustained pain, the actual abusers disappear – because the spirit knows they are the tools not the force.

To avoid facing this phase of pain, a human can do all kinds of things.

I kept remembering that scene though and realized that the victim was not struggling against the abuser, but her own sense of destiny. She must be so unimportant, there must be no God watching over her, no man must really love her – that’s why she’s there holding her hands out while some ugly guy strikes her and humiliates her, treats her like an animal, for an internet video, for her to earn a living maybe, or maybe just to feel like she’s someone.

And I realized that that’s just the consciousness of the failed and the damned. We feel like we must mean nothing to God, or to anyone really – or how could we be made to go through such pain? Our destiny must be screwed. We’re cursed.

If we have religious instruction around – it’s not very hard to start thinking we’ve done some terrible thing in a past life and that’s why we’re going through blow after blow in life. We’re just not good enough – we’re not even worth some of the bastards and bitches we know who manage to not have tragedies and failures like we keep having.

I searched the consciousness Ed…. why is it that we feel that way… when in reality the simple fact is that there’s an abuser, who if they hadn’t found us would’ve been abusing someone else?

The simple fact that a person or a group, has made a choice to abuse a human – why does that not really figure as the main topic of focus???

Why is it all about our struggle with our own sense of worth and destiny?

I searched the consciousness Ed – What is it – this cloud of heaviness – a heavy consciousness pushing down on the victim?

To my surprise Ed, I found

it’s not the consciousness of the abuser so heavy, but the consciousness of previous victims Continue reading

Our Body’s Thermometer & Strychnos for the Stricken – Ignatia


Strychnos Ignatii also called Ignatia Amara, Ignatius Bean or Ignatia is first aid for when the thermometer system of our body fails and this article lists my top 6 situations in which Ignatia is a powerful medicine that few other herbs can match in those situations.

Ed, one time I was going to have a heat stroke when I was in the last few months of being pregnant with Gabriel. I was so beyond hot, and no amount of water I drank was hydrating me enough. My internal organs, already extra warm because of being pregnant, were each radiating heat of its own.

I tried all the usual remedies like Gelsemium (Yellow Jasmine) and Glonoinum (dilution of nitro-glycerine – usually works immediately), but their effect was very short lived.

I realized that for whatever reason, my body was now generating its own heat like crazy, as if it thought I was too cold!

I’d come across this strange behavior of the body before. When the thermometers of the body go awry and tell the body it’s cold or it’s hot when that’s not true.

An example of that came into my awareness recently. I was in the bathroom with my phone when it slipped suddenly into water. Only one half of it went into the water as it was shallow container. I got it out immediately. It brought up a message, “Battery temperature is low, phone will shut down.”

I did all the things that have to be done to protect it from water damage.

Unfortunately Ed, this was not the first time I’ve dropped my phone in water, so I actually know the drill. I turned it off, dried it with tissue paper, opened it, dried it inside, put it in a bag of rice (to absorb any moisture remaining inside).

It turned on as usual with all its functions working.

A strange problem however now presented itself. It would not go to sleep or stay shut down. It kept turning the display on, and kept starting up on its own every time I shut it down. This was draining the battery a lot faster than usual of course.

I tried a few things and concluded that it was still reading the battery temperature wrong and that’s why it kept turning itself on – in an attempt to heat itself up.

Sorry Ed, I’m no phone expert, so I don’t know if phones are that “intelligent”. But that’s what I felt. So I applied my understanding of the human body to the phone.

Only half the phone had fallen into the water. Half the battery had registered a fall in temperature, while half hadn’t.

My commonsense said that if I united the battery in feeling one temperature uniformly, maybe it would solve the problem.

So I got out the blow-dryer, and gave the phone some gentle heating for about 20 minutes with breaks in-between whenever I got tired of holding the blow dryer up.

It solved the problem!!

I realized I just had to write an article about when our bodies’ thermometers malfunction.

The medical system, Ed, considers the hypothalamus and pituitary glands in the brain as the primary temperature readers of the body.

However actual experience points to the lungs as being where temperature gaging really starts. Perhaps it is because the lungs work with air – putting oxygen into blood – that is – working with air on one side and liquid or blood on the other.

It’s such an amazing miracle of a process if you look at it Ed. They take oxygen from the air and infuse it into blood – from air to water. It’s just amazing.

Those cells in our lungs that do this magic, they are incredibly temperature sensitive and the nerve endings that go up from them tell the brain what the temperature is – because they have information coming to them both ways – from outside with the air, from inside with the blood.

And therefore, Ed, the first thing to do when when our thermometer system is challenged is release nervous tension around the lungs.

For this I find Ignatia or St. Ignatius Bean or Stychnos Ignatii one of the best medicines.

As inviting as it looks, and so very much like passionfruit, it’s a fruit that pretty much causes paralysis of the nerves of the body that attach onto muscle. The heart, the lungs, the uterus, the stomach, are all muscle.

You give the body one tiny tiny drop of Ignatia and suddenly the nerve endings on those muscles relax. You definitely don’t want too much because that’s poison.

They call it the herbal “prozac”.

Because of my extensive experience with herbal medicine for heart conditions, I’ve ended up using Ignatia a lot and found it to be more than just a medicine for cardiac emergencies.

In one line Ed, remember Ignatia’s first name is “Strychnos” and think of “Stricken.” Any time the body – or soul – is stricken, reach for Strychnos.

Think of a person keeling over from being given a blow to the head. Imagine the person going into a sort of unconsciousness and in shock not able to hold onto anything and stop his or her fall.

That’s the sort of situation Ignatia heals.

Notice I said “unconsciousness“.

Ignatia is just the medicine for when trauma is so sudden, so extreme that the person cannot face it, but stays in a sort of numb disconnection from some parts of reality while focusing on others.

Numb Disconnection

Yes, I know everyone’s been there to some extent, but Ignatia is needed if we’re not able to come out of that in a day or two or maybe a week.

Those who have gone years numb, need Ignatia even more, and regularly for a long while, maybe months.

Now, it so happens Ed, that the body works as one and not as separate units. So the body reflects the soul.

How we know we’re gone numb to some harsh reality we should have faced is – our thermometer system malfunctions.

Perhaps it’s something to do with the fact that the cells of the lungs, our thermometer, have to be so very awake in the present to do their job of taking oxygen from air and putting into our blood. They’re very sensitive and that’s why changes in our breathing rhythm are one of our first indications of stress, and one of the first indications of us really calming down.

Those who are long term breathing challenged are invariably long term temperature challenged and that’s the beginning of hormonal imbalance – whether that’s the thyroid malfunctioning, or the pleasure hormones or the sexual hormones or even the sugar regulating hormones going imbalanced.

All of the conditions called hormonal imbalance, can be helped in a big way by treating our thermometer cells in the lungs for nervous tension and PTSD.

Unfortunately it’s not as simple as blow drying my phone was, but it isn’t all that complicated as well.

My most favorite herb for hormonal imbalance is Mistletoe or Viscum Album. It helps all the temperature balancing parts of the body heal and get back to full function.

However, when there is direct evidence of critical thermometer malfunction, such as me perspiring way beyond normal, releasing so much heat, Ignatia – Strychnos Ignatia will immediately relax those nerves on the lungs and heart and restore sense to our panicked thermometer system.

The feeling of calm helps us face the suppressed realities we’ve gone numb to avoid.

Ignatia also just happens to work amazing for radiation induced muscle cramping.

When the energy field of the body is attacked as happens with radiation exposure, the nerve endings on muscles get cramped or go limp. Ignatia helps them relax and come out of shock and get back to being themselves.

Ignatia has a powerful healing effect on all problems of the throat and the region. Continue reading

Sea Salt and Bio-rhythm Recovery after Shock, Trauma


How the Sea keeps the bio-rhythm of the Earth and therefore us, how Salt carries this vibration and helps us recover from rhythm disruption caused by trauma, shock, vaccination, radiation; How salt aids recovery of BALANCE of minerals in our bodies. 

Dear Ed,

As a lover of the sea you don’t need to be reminded of the healing power of salt. But I’m writing this, as I’ve been mostly a mountain and high altitude dweller and for me, meeting the sea has been an amazing experience.

Very often while working with those recovering from trauma, and in my own experience, I’ve found that one thing that stops herbs from working properly, and hinders healing, is the natural rhythm of the body being thrown out of course.

In extreme situations that shows up in heart beat arrhythmia – where the heart doesn’t beat rhythmically, and the result is a distorted energy patterns in the body causing widespread confusion and distress.

I found this especially troubles new born babies born through traumatic unnatural birth, those exposed to high levels of radiation and those vaccinated or given drugs that interrupt the frequency of the central nervous system.

A person who has experienced a rhythm interruption needs no further description from me about how it feels.

A bio-rhythm interruption isn’t always caused through physical means like vaccination or poison, or radiation exposure. It can also be caused by emotional and spiritual shock. Failure to recover natural bio-rhythm can result in anything from death, to long term unexplained fatigue, lessened immunity, sluggish organ function and the resulting illnesses.

I learned a principle of healing from my Granddad. He taught me healing by example. For example, if one is feeling weak, coming in touch with a strong vibrant energy, makes us begin to feel stronger by the sheer power of example.

This is the basis on which I base my treatments. I look at which herb and plant friends would help a person by the example of their being, and then I have them come in touch with them thrice a day and the person’s energy field changes as they come in touch with the robust, vibrant, spiritually steadfast herbs.

In looking for an example of a vibration that matches the human body to stimulate by example, a body fallen out of natural rhythm, I found a bit of a problem. Herbs have their own rhythm and if we were to take on their rhythm, we’d be herbs and not humans.

You’ll agree Ed, that that’s not something we want to be, as beautiful as herbs and flowers are.

While we need herbs and plant energies to heal and correct our energy patterns, we could be helped specifically by something from nature that brings us back to our OWN bio-rhythms.

Here’s where salt comes in. Sea salt to be specific. Let me have this explained in the words of Francis Ellingwood Abbot – read out in Dover, NH, IN 1857 – “Voices of the Sea“, now made available by the US National Library of Medicine.

You see Ed, the Sea – the one big body of water keeps rhythm for or earth and all its living beings. And its gift to us, is salt. Continue reading

Herbs to Release Pent-up Rage


Anger that isn’t released becomes Rage. There are so very many physical conditions that are the result of anger bottled up that I cannot list them here.

There’s a simple rule of thumb. If you’re attracted to this topic, you most probably have pent up rage or someone you care about deeply, who influences you deeply has it.

These herbs have been my friends through the worst times of my life and I present them to you as I got to know them.

This is not a comprehensive list of all they are and do, just what I have been privileged to come to know of. They are living spirits and have different relationships with each person.

Datura Stramonium – Rage connected to Guilt

My article called – Deep Space Datura – is one of the most popular pages on this website. Datura is my favorite painkiller oil and I have a bottle always at hand for every physical pain and ache and soreness. It’s also a wonderful sleep inducer.

But one of its long term effects, ie., when you use it say twice or thrice over a few weeks, is the way it exhumes rage.

The rage exhumed by Datura is most often rage associated with guilt.

There’s a rage that’s the result of deep remorse we feel inside, remorse for something we felt pushed into doing, against our spirit, against our instinct.

There are small things that matter deeply to us. Calling someone to tell them something, a little habit we loved that meant a lot to us.

Our spirit can go into rage if for some reason, maybe something so small that we decided it wasn’t a priority but in fact it was.

Remorse at betrayal of oneself, is a rage extremely difficult to face because nine times out of ten, we built a personality, a life, a way of being, on that betrayal and exhuming it means demolishing this whole life we built and then rebuilding it all over again.

Sometimes we just don’t have the strength to even face such a project.

We’re so tired and spent from years of struggling to hold up this huge mountain of heaviness that we can’t face the prospect of all it would take to tear it up and start from zero.

Datura breaks the falsity down so we can come back to zero.

Through my life, I’ve learned from depending on Datura over the years, to live at zero.

To be happy, a human does not need a complicated “established” mountain of baggage. All it takes to have a happy life, is to be able to feel the breeze on your face, taste what you’re eating and drinking, and stretch out when the day is done and surrender your body and soul to the keeping of God.

Over and over, Datura brings us back to that simple state of being.

Half a tspoon of dried datura plant or a pinch of any fresh part of the plant to three cups of hot water, let sit for five minutes is as much dose as you need for a tea.

It will heat up your body, relieve joint pain triggered by cold or wet weather, and get blood moving all over. It will also put you to sleep.

Warning – NEVER take datura tea if you have to do a test the next day, or anything you can’t put off if you’re not feeling up to it.

Because its effects can run for 3 days and even up to a week. You never know when its effect will show.

Datura oil applied topically over a place that hurts, or your feet and hands before bed-time is a gentle way to have Datura in your life.

The dream space is Datura’s own home town because there we can face things that we cannot face in our waking time because our brain blocks things out of insecurity or programing.

I’ve found that our cells in certain parts of our body hold memory – not just the brain and

Datura oil applied where we’re hurting or tense, brings out the repressed rage there Continue reading