Conversation with Granddad about the cause of Fibromyalgia, How to Stop Energy Drains
I don’t have the wisdom myself to deal with a topic of such widespread importance and urgency as body aches caused by energy draining.
But I have gone from being drained to corpse-level every now and then, to being rather miraculously energetic given my circumstances.
Those who saw me in the days when I could keep awake only 4 hours at a time, and was on constant help of some sort or the other for body ache or what is called Fibromyalgia, and all my other various trauma and vampirism induced “life threatening” conditions, they would later marvel at my amazing recovery.
But I’d be doing a sore injustice if I didn’t ever write about what made such a huge difference to me, as to actually turn things around.
See Ed, when you’re on a certain road, it doesn’t matter what you have in the car with you to eat and drink, or what music or playing or what mood you’re on. Where that road leads to, you’re going to there. Where that road goes through, you’re going to go through there. You can keep cheerful about it, you can be pissed… But you can’t change things really so long as you’re on that road.
Now that’s how it is in life. Unless we change the road we’re on, the supplements and herbs and affirmations and all that matter little eventually.
I figured this out pretty early in my unfortunate – or maybe fortunate career in self destruction (fortunate because I earn a living from what I learned) .
Bu I figured out that my ultra-intelligent and well thought out moves were working for a while and then falling flat.
If healing is real, why do conditions re-occur?
If all the cells of the body are being replaced regularly, why does the body maintain scars in the same place year after year, decade after decade?
Are we doomed to illness and death?
Why bother healing at all if it’s just to be well enough to get some new disorder?
Questions like that.
Granddad of course arrived on the scene, mysterious and full of his own inner bliss – healthy as a fresh apple and not one bit afraid of my latest new diagnosed illness. I even think he found them funny sometimes Ed.
I remember telling him that I’ve got Fibromyalgia. His face was poker straight but I swear I saw him grin from ear to ear like it was funny.
I was insulted and he said, “Is that a new breed of dog?”
I told him that I’d been having severe chronic body aches, so debilitating I could barely do a thing all day.
He asked me what I took for it.
I said I’d tried painkillers but they hadn’t really worked because some made me sleep all day – which I could do anyway without them, and the others stopped working after 15 minutes or so.
“And then?” he asked.
“Oh,” I said, “What helps is Ashwagandha (Winter Cherry), and hot chocolate, and anything that strengthens me.”
“What are strengtheners called?” Granddad asked.
“Stimulants,” I said confidently.
I got the look from Granddad. That look which meant, “Your education went all wrong.”
“I don’t know what strengtheners are called,” I said.
“They’re called ‘adjuvants’.” Granddad replied.
“Right – adjuvants – like rejuvenating.” I replied.
“Hmm huh.” Granddad replied, “If you have a condition that adjuvants help, then what is the cause of the condition?”
“Lack of juvenation,” I replied so smartly.
“And,” Granddad said, “What is juvenation?”
“Energy,” I said.
“Now,” he said, “What is the cause of your malady?”
“Lack of energy,” I said mystified. And then added, “But Granddad I thought I had lack of energy BECAUSE of the fibromyalgia!”
Granddad shrugged, “Where did your energy go?”
I was really confused now, because he’d taught me that we can’t actually lose energy really, only have it blocked up because we’d assigned it to some task that we changed our mind about later, or didn’t fulfill for some reason.
I explained that to him and he said, “The cat got a ball of wool. Ok?”
“Ok,” I said, “The cat got a ball of wool.”
“The cat plays with the ball of wool and the wool comes unraveled all over the carpet.”
Now, where is the wool?
On the carpet.
Can you knit with it?
Only after I roll it back – hopefully it’s not dirty.
So if you want to knit with the wool, what do you have to do?
Roll it back up.
Ok, you rolled it back up.
And now you’re going to knit.
But now you have to have a cup of tea, because you’re tired from all that.
You have tea and come back.
What do you see on the carpet?
I don’t know.
The cat is back.
Yes, the wool is on the carpet again.
What should you do now?
Roll it back up. 🙁
Throw out the bloody cat.
You’ll never knit so long as that cat’s after your wool. You will freeze in the winter and your children will have raw red knuckles and feet.
Granddad! Don’t say stuff like that!
You want your children to be warm? Or you want the cat?
Granddad! You can’t make me choose! (Psst. I didn’t have a cat or children at the time but even hypothetically speaking…)
That’s the disease, Cara, you can’t choose.
What do you mean!!! I make choices all the time.
You make choices to underline your choice not to choose.
You’re so insecure, you won’t throw out a bag of tea you hate, because you think you might need it one day.
That’s being wise and not wasting stuff.
That’s not choosing what you’ve already chosen.
You don’t like the tea. You’re not going to have it. If you had no other tea you might have it, but you’re not going to LIKE it ever.
So what, but at least I’ll have tea.
What’s the point of having tea?
I don’t know…. antioxidants?
What do YOU have tea for?
Relaxation, I guess, makes me feel good.
Would you feel good if you had that tea you don’t like?
No… not really.
You’d be drained.
Yes, if you expect to like something, your body spends energy getting ready to enjoy it. But when that doesn’t happen, all that energy gets stuck because now what can you do with it.
You mean like if I cut cloth to sew something but I don’t sew that thing, all of it goes to waste – because I can’t sew something else with these pieces.
So basically, if I don’t like or enjoy something as I expected to, I lose energy.
And that causes my Fibromyalgia.
And other things.
So I only have to do what I like?
First you must throw out the cat.
Then with the cat gone, everything will be different.
Then you don’t need tea all the time. You don’t depend on it. You can have it for pleasure.
Then you will not keep tea you don’t like in the cupboard.
I don’t think I can explain it better than Granddad did, Ed, but just for the sake of summing things up in my own head – here’s my understanding of that conversation, now so many years later, and here’s what I want to say with this letter.
Chronic body aches or Fibromyalgia are most often the result of energy draining.
While herbs and supplements that strengthen and energize us, help manage the condition, what really addresses the problem, is stopping what’s causing the energy drain.
Everything else comes on its own when we stop the drain.
Now here’s the thing Ed, this is the difficult bit. Most people just don’t know what’s really draining them.
I didn’t back then. So what I did was, just uproot my entire life, looking for the cat. I’d sit in bed and obsess about every area of my life. If I suspected that a certain activity was draining me, I’d stop it. If I felt an interaction was draining me, I’d end it.
I did manage to reduce the energy draining quite a bit, but not fully and every now and then I’d have a relapse.
Years later it occurred to me that perhaps the whole energy drain thing and stopping the draining – perhaps it’s not about things like stopping talking to bastards, and stopping eating stuff made of refined flour and sugar…. Maybe those are just surface things.
Maybe I’m even attracted to what drains me because THERE’S SOMETHING IN ME THAT MAKES ME ATTRACTED TO WHAT DRAINS ME.
Now, this is the gross side of healing. The herbs and all smell lovely. But here, where you find there’s something inside you that attracts you to crap – here’s the gunk.
It’s different for each person Ed, and that’s why I said, I don’t have the wisdom it takes for a topic like this. I can only share my own experience and observations of others.
Eventually, we each have to explore our own selves and fix our selves, ourselves – everything external is a suggestion and an aid.
But what I found was that in 90% of cases where there’s a routine and chronic recurring energy draining situation – whether that shows up as Fibromyalgia or something else, there are one or more of the following;
1) False Identity
2) Energy Vampirism
3) False Values
4) Disconnection from the body
5) Life Deception
1) False Identity
Our body has a basic biologically inherited consciousness – and that consciousness responds to sound vibrations and frequencies that only our birth parents and ancestors have, as well as those in our soul group.
The result of holding a false identity is a body whose energy cannot be tapped because it does not respond to frequency and vibrations of something strange to it.
It will adapt to some extent but never fully be functional as an independent energy field, unless the person seeks and finds the frequencies he or she responds to, is comfortable with.
We would have done this naturally in simpler times, but in our day and age we’ve got a lot of mental constructs that hinder us from finding our primal selves.
So most people go through life carrying this burden of a fake identity sometimes.
It’s been my experience that until one learns not just to face the truth of their physical entry into this world, but to honor that in every way, and never suppress it or feel bad about it, we end up having energy flow crises again and again.
2) Energy Vampirism
Energy Vampirism is real. Organized energy vampirism is real. Intentional energy vampirism is real. Accidental or unintentional vampirism is also real.
Most of us are astute enough to stop interacting with those who drain us, but many of us have something in us that attracts us to draining entities and events.
I can’t say I know it all, but most of the time, that thing in us, is self hatred.
I know this might be a crazy thing to say. But if we feel we aren’t really doing what we were born for, and we feel we ARE BLOCKED PERMANENTLY FROM OUR DESTINY, we have a subconscious death wish and one way that shows up, is in our pursuing what drains us and sabotages our attempts to rise and heal. (Note- Rise comes before heal.)
One person described this to me as, “I felt like my luck had run out.” When I asked when he felt so, he said, “When I was returning from evening tuition.”
Another person said that after he’d gotten married, he and his new wife, called his sister to tell her and, “We both felt after that phone call, that everything of ours was finished.”
Was there a moment of your life you felt like that? Like from then on you were done for? Finished?
It might not be something that makes sense to you. But if you want to remember it, the memory will come.
3) False Values
Now each one of these points leads to the other. Very often we feel our luck has run out, or we are permanently barred from our destiny, because we have violated something we believed was a core value.
For example, people who leave an abuser often feel guilty, that they left the abuser in poverty as they themselves went on to better days. The poverty thing makes them sideline the fact they escaped actual abuse, to where they feel so hurt inside that they could leave someone in poverty, that they forget the reality of what happened.
I call it a problem of false values because when we have a set of values drilled into us through society, religion, education etc., that does not have our basic humanity and human right to life at the core, we’re going to have a clash of values at some point which short circuits us.
I saw this movie yesterday – “The Boys from Brazil”. It’s about this nazi hunter investigator who uncovers this plot where clones of Adolf Hitler were made and placed in locations all over Europe and America. At the end of the movie, he has a chance to see that these clones are killed, but he doesn’t allow it, because they’re children.
Now I don’t know what your position on that might be. Should artificial beings with tendencies to mass murder be allowed to live? Or should they be treated as children because they look like and been brought up as normal children?
A commentator on the video said, “But even Hitler growing up in a different place and time could turn out to be – just interested in photography. Until someone has done a crime, we shouldn’t treat them like a criminal.”
Another replied, “The cells of the clone carry the tendencies of the source. If not, then why take them from the original at all? It’s been proven that animals and plants inherit the habits and talents of parents, that is why clones are made in the first place.”
Now, if one of those clones grew up and engineered a wicked and cunning plot to do genocide, and they were standing right in front of us, about to kill us, we’d have a different approach I suppose. We’d realize this is about our right to live, and that primal core value would influence what we did next.
But in the absence of such a scenario immediately in front of our eyes…. well…
What I want to say is, we have to resolve things like this for ourselves based on our primal core values whatever those are. Because if we don’t we cut off our own energy flow as we feel we’ve violated something we really believe in.
In our day and time we’re constantly bombarded by things that don’t match our core values and we need to develop the gut strength to know when this is happening and stand our ground.
Because what others think about us, what even our own mind thinks about us, doesn’t matter. IT’S WHAT OUR DEEP SOUL FEELS that manages our energy.
So we need our deep soul to feel right about us.
4) Disconnection from the body
How do we know if our Soul feels right about us?
Our energy flows right.
We know if our energy is flowing right, most easily from our bodies.
Our body is our faithful indicator of what’s happening with our soul.
It’s hard to “reoccupy the body” when you’ve been living in knots and crosses for a long time, but it’s got to be done, because you need your indicator in this world.
If something’s bad for your body, it’s bad for your soul.
If something makes your body feel bad, it’s bad for your soul.
Of course the body can be made to feel good for a short while, and then it feels bad… one has to judge for themselves – what’s what.
But if we’re disconnected from our bodies we’re at a huge disadvantage and vulnerable to all kinds of vampirism and draining.
I have often been able to pin-point exactly when a person cut off from the bodies. Most often it was when their trust was broken.
Let me explain. We’re born with this instinctive trust in our own bodies. Children know when we’re abused before our minds know what it is, because our body tells us something is wrong.
Now many of us, find ourselves in situations where our bodies tell us something is wrong or right, and we go on that and find out that our physical instinct was wrong. This is extremely life shattering for a person.
A most common example is if we’re physically attracted to someone. Our body tells us “this is good,” but later we realize it was absolutely the worst thing.
That breaks our trust in our body and causes us to disconnect. Because if it were right, why’d it lead us into such a soul destroying mess?
This brings us to our last point – perhaps the most important part of this letter.
5) Life Deception
We get deceived, period.
But not by our bodies.
Let me explain.
There are two ways to make the body respond with – let’s say – pleasure hormones.
One is to make the person, the whole person feel good.
The other is to trick the person’s brain into thinking it feels good and giving the signals to release pleasure hormones.
Now, I love Christmas, believe me.
But it’s a standard example of what I’m trying to say.
You can feel good – because you really feel good about Christmas. Maybe you really like Christmas trees all lit up, and the cake, and carols, and everyone dressed up different, and maybe you really like celebrating the birthday of Jesus, maybe it means something to your soul. Maybe it brings back memories of loving times with loved ones and that means something, warms you inside.
Or you can feel not so good, maybe even bad, because you’re just not happy in life and worse you have serious stuff to deal with, and you don’t want to be having warm fuzzy feelings eating eggnog with someone whose aim is to exploit you in some way.
Still, “because it’s Christmas”… you see the one who wants to exploit you, wearing a Father Christmas cap and you’re like, “Awwww shucks… It’s Christmas after all…” And you get these pleasure hormones going that is actually your brain being tricked out of habit, rather than your soul actually feeling good shaking hands with a bastard.
Ok, I’m not the best with these examples and Hallmark channel would seriously object to what I’m saying. And I’m not saying we shouldn’t enjoy “the Christmas feeling”.
But you know, how true it is, what I’m saying – about accepting what we DON’T and SHOULDN’T, just because it’s Christmas or whatever.
We need to be able to know “this is real” or “this is a trained reaction “because its Christmas” (for example) or we’ll get deceived and then we’ll get angry and blame our innocent body for giving us the wrong signals and getting us into messes.
I asked Granddad about it once, “How do I know what’s a natural body reaction and what’s a reaction caused by deception?”
He said, “You don’t know.”
I was really surprised.
He then said, “See Cara, you remember how they’d give you lollipops in school if you got a spelling right?”
Yes… vaguely… I remember the chocolate ones anyhow.
So if your body gives you lollipops it means you got the spelling right.
Granddad what do mean!
Why’d you like lollipops anyway?
Errr.. well back then… it was because it lasted a lot longer than just a sweet which you had to put in your mouth and it would crack in a few seconds and then you’d have to chew it and swallow it. But you could enjoy the taste of a lollipop so much longer because it was on a stick.
So when your body gives you pleasure that lasts long rather than pleasure that’s fleeting, that’s a lollipop.
Granddad… you know… this is going to be creepy when I write it.
But I really do understand what you said. This lollipop thing really works.
If it lasts, it’s real.
But what if a deception goes on many years?
The deception in the mind might go on many years, but false body pleasure results in draining very quickly. In a matter of hours, if not sooner.
I know what you mean – I used to love attending these meetings and I’d feel almost high but on the way home I’d start feeling rotten.
But then I’d go back because I wanted that temporary feeling again. Granddad, why does it have to be this way…. You see, if not for those meetings, the music and all that, there was nothing else cheery in my life… Didn’t I deserve at least that much fun?
Granddad got real emotional when I said that and didn’t say anything for a long while. I think he felt bad that I had had a rather dark dim life.
After a while he said to me, “A good knight never makes friends with the walls of his cell.”
I understood what he meant as no doubt you will too.
And now, I end this with an inspirational picture: